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One Rule Home: Leading With Love Blog

If you’re curious about this idea of leading with love but believe there’s no way it can work, I get it. I was there myself as I faced challenges with my first born daughter and did the research with 3,000 kids. As I looked at the things kids were saying, psychological studies and took it all back to how Jesus loved and led it all agreed but I still wanted to argue…..

“My kids will go crazy if I rely simply on His one Rule Love…”

Well I am happy to report 20 years later I was dead wrong and my kids, including my 16 year old son, are living proof. None are on drugs of any kind, including marijuana in a state where its legal. None experienced times of experimentation and all had friends who looked up to them and teachers who said they were more responsible and mature. Yet they still had fun and we had amazing times and trips together as a family. We remain close to this day.

If you want a close connected family where your kids learn, grow and mature without the reminding, nagging, pressure, distance and conflict sign up for our blog and read my book The One Rule Home.

Adolescent Mentoring Cohort

Coming Soon

Is your kid drifting, addicted to gaming or screens and exhibiting behavior that concerns you? Sometimes parents need an outside voice that can get their kids thinking and reflecting. Our adolescent mentoring is a precursor to individual coaching with our mentoring and healing process that is often very effective with adolescents ages 12 and up.

The Adolescent Mentoring Cohort hits things on two fronts:

Identifying Negative core beliefs
Building understanding one’s own skills and establishing a vision for their future

Together these things often handle common motivation, moderate behavior and life decision issues as together they get in touch with themselves and the true desires for their life. This is where the group dynamic is often very helpful as kids see things in others they might deny or avoid if on their own.

At times, depending upon the family’s desire, we will add sessions to help a kid reconnect with their parents, as parents should be the most influential people in their kids’ lives. Our research with 3,000 kids helps us get kids to open up with us and then we help them do the same with parents, restoring parents’ influence and establishing a healthy groundwork for the relationship moving forward.

To learn more, schedule a call with Jeff or another coach.

One Rule Home

Today’s kids function more emotionally than they do logically, which is why leading with love is so important today! Their emotional nature is the reason that the knowledge we share, the counter productive decisions they make and the boundaries we employ seem to bounce off their forehead.

If you have kids aged three to five and want to get out front and avoid the issues so many parents encounter this is an amazing read! If you’re scratching your head and what you’re doing is not working with your child aged five to 18 this book will help you understand why and what you can do to turn things around.

Today our lectures and consequences often don’t lead to the changes in our kids lives and behavior we feel they should. In fact, our research with 3,000 kids and teens found that our approach often backfires. How? Kids respond by tuning us out, getting frustrated and or angry with us and retreat to their rooms and screens. This leads to kids emotionally distancing themselves from their parents often without parents realizing due to the act they put on.

Jeff’s research found that kids, including teens, desired to be close to their parents again, like they were when they were young. This desire can be a powerful tool for reconnecting and lasting change when we lead with Love! Kids shared that for a while they tried to be close to their parents by trying to measure up to what they want but failed. Sadly we found many had given up trying by middle school and even more in highschool. This distance left a hole in their heart that they sought to fill with other things like social media, video games, friends, and worse!

So what do we do? When our lectures, information and consequences aren’t getting the results we desire? The One Rule Home explains why and provides alternative answers based upon a practical understanding of how love works in real life relationships in our homes.

The truth is that only 5% of thoughts and emotions are conscious which means many of the things that drive our kids’ struggles and behavior are not conscious to our kids which is why lectures and consequences are not as effective as we wish they were. There are emotional, relational and internal roots going on below our kids’ behaviors and poor decisions that we have not been trained to address that lead to many of the frustration we encounter as parents.

The One Rule Home will help you understand and connect with your kids in a new and meaningful way. It contains research, true life stories and biblical examples that will change the way you see your kids and your role in their lives. Its revolutionary insights, practical concepts and love-based approach will draw your kids close to you, increase your influence in their lives and have you thinking, “I wish I read this when my kids were young before the challenges began. It all could have been avoided.”

This book is hard to read, but not because it's written poorly. Quite the opposite. It's hard to read because it grabs you right where the heart is already aching. Our youth today face the hardest things imaginable, and need our loving influence more than ever. Yet , we often say and do the very things that drive them further away...from us, from the church, from their faith. This book will flay you open while also providing the salve you need to heal

One of the Top 10 Books I've Ever Read

The One Rule Home is a profoundly important book

An Insightful read for any parent!

This book is a must-read for today's parents! The book challenges parents to follow Christ's example as they navigate their relationships with their children. As parents we place so many expectations on our children, to the point that it is impacting their emotional, psychological, and spiritual well-being. We all want the best for our children, but this book questions how we are going about achieving that "best". The One Home Rule encourages us to rethink the importance of the rules that weigh down our relationships with our children, and to focus on parenting with love. The author emphasizes principles such as hope, humility, and trust, to help us grow as parents. This book challenges us to allow our children more freedoms, but also to become resources for our children. The author sprinkles Bible verses throughout each chapter to further reiterate themes of the book. For someone seeking a Christian perspective on parenting, this book is wonderful!

About Midway thru the Book I had a Spiritual Duh Moment!

This is spiritual heart surgery for you and your family. Surgery that you did not know you needed. As a spouse, parent and now grandparent, I needed this about 46 years ago! I only wish I could go back in time with the knowledge from the Bible and this book.

I recommend this to everyone I know and if you have guts enough to get this book, read it and re-read it with your spouse or spouse to be, you will not regret it at all!

I'm Checking Out on my Parents (and the Faith)

Coming Soon

I’m Checking out on My Parents and the Faith is the first book in a vital series for parents with more to come. This book’s stories and research with 3,000 kids will grab your attention and have you reconsidering so many things about your kid and the reasons they distance themselves from parents and from your faith. This book’s insights are vital in setting a foundation of understanding that is essential for parents to connect with their adolescents and teens. Topics Include:

Bridging the gap of understanding of parents versus kids perspectives
The challenge of expectations and their impact on kids motivation
The Devil’s Triangle of discouragement
Why given them knowledge falls short and much more

I’m Checking Out on my Parents (and the Faith) provides a foundation that One Rule Home expands upon and offers vital answer for how to prevent and/or reverse the many challenges parents face with their kids today.

Going Going Gone!

Why are our youth groups disappearing? It’s not just the budget or attendance, the trend has been going on for some time. Jeff Schadt did research with over 1,500 kids to figure out why they were checking out on the church and their faith in the context of a national association with 65 national and regional youth and college ministries. This included the Assemblies of God, the Southern Baptist Convention, Evangelical Free Church, conservative baptist church as well as Youth for Christ, and the National Network of Youth Ministry.

If you are a ministry leader and want to understand why kids are exiting the youth group, church and the faith, and what you can do to see your group grow, read Going Going Gone. It brings many things to light including the damaging effects expectations had on faith and motivation along with the Devil’s Triangle Jeff found during the research. After you read this challenging book then schedule a call with Jeff Schadt. He has created multiple post-modern youth groups with youth pastors that flourished and grew from a handful of kids to over 70 in 6 months.

He can not do these calls for free but in two hours you will have specific concepts and even plans you can take to church leadership to see your group growing organically and without aggressive outreach tactics that don’t work like they used to. You can schedule a $10.00 consult call to explore this option further before going to the church to involve Jeff further.

this book by an otherwise unknown author to me really surprised me. EXCELLENT read with several outstanding insights into how and why we, as leaders, lead teens. It goes on to tell what some of these faulty methods produce. Worth a read for every student pastor.

going going gone

Every parent should read this book!!! amazing insight int othe teen years and the interaction with parents!!! MUST READ FOR ALL PARENTS!!!!

Constant Rules and Consequences only drive your teen away!

Jeff Schadt does an incredible job of explaining his own shock when he started interviewing teens and young adults and finding out the real reasons why they hide their dual lives from their parents and drop out of the church when they get to college. Having interviewed over 2000 young adults and videotaped over 400 of them, he really has some deep insights into what is wrong with the typical parent/teen relationship. Also, through his search in the Bible for answers, he came to realize that the best way to raise our tens is by following Jesus' example of discipling the apostles. These are such powerful concepts that this book will most likely turn your parenting patterns upside-down...or more likely right side up! Schadt really digs deep into the lives of high schoolers and college students and tells us what is on their hearts. It's a message that every caring parent will want to read -- I high recommend this book, along with the DVD series Schadt has out. Attending one of his seminars would be even better! Check out shepherdingyourteen.com to find out more about connecting with this author.

What's really causing my kid's bad behavior?

It’s hard when we love our kids and desire to help them, but just can’t figure out how to help them address their struggles and behavior issues. Jeff’s research with 3,000 kids and personal healing journey combined to help parents understand what’s really causing their kids struggles and bad behavior.

Below their struggles and behavior issues are roots deep within their unconscious. Roots we may have never considered and have not been trained to target. Psychology has proven that only 5% of thoughts and emotions are conscious, so the frustrating struggles and behavior that just won’t change stems from unconscious thoughts and feelings that are driving our kids far more than we, or they. understand. Whacking away at the surface and surface behaviors is not the answer.

This very short and eye opening book will help you understand the often hidden factors that dramatically impact our kids behavior, motivations and struggles. It will offer insights into why what you’re doing is not working and ideas for moving forward. Parents who read this book often identify key roots below their kids’ challenges and desire to learn how to target them through our Leading with Love Coaching Cohort. Over 75% of the parents who read What’s Really Causing My Kids Bad Behavior and participate in Leading with Love Cohorts see their kids’ turn around without the need of a counselor.

Is Real Healing and Change Even Possible?

Today so many people have lost hope in their ability to change. We hear it all the time in society: people don’t or can’t change. What if they can and we’ve missed the elements of what make organic, rather than forced, change possible? Psychology found only 5% of thoughts and emotions are conscious, leaving 95% unconscious. When we are facing repeated struggles, motivation or behavior issues with our kids, spouse or ourselves and no matter what we read or do and how much we pray things only change marginally it stems from roots below the struggles that are thriving in our unconscious.

Jeff Schadt, the author. spent 20 years pursuing healing not just for his kids but even more so for himself. He saw the Bible promising healing but did not see it happening in the people around him or in his own life. His pursuit to understand and experience freedom took him to multiple counselors, psychologists and spiritual healing options but they came up short. Sometimes leaving him in a worse place as things were identified without a real answer on how to heal them.

Along the way parents began asking him to help their kids. Eventually he relented and found the answers he was assembling from his own journey were seeing kids, then adults and marriage turn around and find freedom in just 6 to 12 months!

This short eye-opening book explores the factors that Jeff found hold us back from experiencing freedom and will restore your hope that healing and change may actually be possible. If you are looking for answers and hope and desire to see change in yourself, your kids or spouse please read this book.

If reading this book stirs some hope, and want to take the next step, schedule a 45 minute, $10 call with Jeff or another Revive Family Coach to explore how the defined integrated approach he developed over 15 years of helping kids, adults and marriage can set you free.

Child Concern Index (CCI)

Discover the roots of your kids’ behavior issues and struggles by taking our Child Concern Index (CCI, a powerful assessment tool. Upon completion you’ll receive a detailed CCI report unique to your situation and our eye-opening companion book, “What’s Really Causing My Kid’s Bad Behavior?”

Our patented Child Concern Index (CCI) will evaluate your situation as well as the behavior and struggles you are encountering with your kids. The CCI will guide you toward the best path forward for you and your kids based on your unique situation. In just 7 minutes this free assessment will return a custom 10- to 20-page report that will help you understand what’s really going on with your kid, and practical next steps you can take right away to see improvements. Its insights and answers will have you wondering why we’re not charging for it when other providers charge $50 to $200 for theirs. As a bonus you’ll also receive our illuminating and eye-opening book, “What’s Really Causing My Kid’s Bad Behavior.”

Succeed DVD Series

If you are like most parents, you are concerned about the decisions your kids will make when they leave home!

Succeed addresses all the issues that college freshman told Jeff Schadt they were unprepared for when they left home. Every High school senior believed leaving home would be easy. The vast majority of College students said the transition was much harder than they expected.

Succeed brings these topics up through powerful college student videos and content opening your kids eyes to the downsides of freedom.

Parents report having amazing and sometimes life changing discussions with their kids after watching Succeed with their high school students. It’s never too early to help your high school student reevaluate their decisions.

You have invested years into getting your kid ready for college, spend a couple of hours helping ensure they do well in the transition. Today 28% of college freshmen do not make it through their freshman year and only 30% who start a degree complete it. Do not let your kid become part of the statistics!

Revive Family, Our Non-Profit Arm

Revive Family is the non-profit Jeff started to do the ground-breaking research with 3,000 kids, in order to build answers for parents, which lead to the development of an integrated mentoring and healing process. This process is organically changing adolescents, teens, parents and now marriages and entire families with our Family Reboot Intensives held in beautiful Durango, Colorado.

This mentoring and healing process is an integrated approach developed over 20 years, taking multiple forms of therapy and integrating them into one powerful process. Many agree it is the best healing process available. Whether you are dealing with anger issues, anxiety, depression, emotional shutdown or the deep roots of trauma, PTSD, sexual abuse, addictive behaviors and/or family dysfunction this process has been proven to bring a deep healing and organic change that brings the color back to life.